Unfortunately yes. Pros: We're no longer Korean. Cons: Suddenly it's a bit too quiet.

I'm not Korean anyway, so fuck that bullshit. But it's all pros, here. Stupid pain in the nook kept hitting on me and calling me "soon dairy", whatever the hell that means. I don't know how many times I told him I don't have tits. Even if I did, I still wouldn't let him touch them.

That was more of a 'tongue-in-cheek' remark than me being serious. [He doesn't blame him for not getting that it was a joke since his sense of humour is someting a bit off and fail-tastic.] He's... a bit difficult to handle and he did tend to come on a bit strong.

Though, I'm not even sure what he meant by "soon dairy".

[Karkat hardly ever laughs at jokes, anyway.]

A bit? Stupid jackass wouldn't back off.

Whatever it's supposed to be, he used it as an excuse to claim I had feelings for him I wouldn't admit, which is a load of crap if I've ever heard it. Sure I couldn't stand him, but not in any way that I'd want to start up black romance with him.

I am so sorry that you had to go through that. He, unfortunately, doesn't seem to understand boundaries. Even so, it's still no excuse for continuing to persist with such things. [Why yes. He's apologising for Korea.

On the other hand...] ...what's 'black romance'?

No shit it's no excuse. That idiot's got a skull so thick it may as well be solid bone with no hint of a think pan contained inside it at all.

[Oh boy. Getting asked about blackrom.]

... It's a form of troll romance based on hatred, as opposed to red romance which is focused on positive emotions. Do you want the whole explanation? You're forbidden from bitching about it being too complicated or weird if you do.

That can also be applied to someone else I know. [Thick-headed with no signs of a brain... yup. That sounded like his dear brother as well.]

That sounds... quite intriguing. Go ahead and explain, if you'd like. I promise not to complain about it being complicated or weird. [He wouldn't push him to explain it if he didn't wish to, but he did sound curious.]

Too many people for me. [He's met America before. He set his kitchen on fire once.]

Alright. No changing your mind halfway either.

[Ahem.]

Troll romance is also referred to as the quadrants, as our forms of romance are divided into four said quadrants. The divisions are formed by a pair of axes, which determine their main qualities.

The first axis is that of red and black romance. Like I said, red romance or redrom is based on positive things, i.e. the various forms of pity, and black romance or blackrom is based on hate.

The secondary axis further divides those two into concupiscent and conciliatory forms. Concupiscent romance involves feelings of mating fondness, whereas conciliatory romance is concerned with keeping one or more people in check.

I'll start with the two concupiscent quadrants.

First is concupiscent redrom: the flushed quadrant, called matespritship, which is symbolized by a red heart. This is the most similar to human romance, in which the two individuals, called matesprits, feel deep positive emotions for each other accompanied by mating fondness.

Second is concupiscent blackrom: the caliginous quadrant, kismesissitude, symbolized by a black spade. This is more or less like matespritships, except the two kismesises instead feel the deepest loathing for one another. To put it really simply, you want to pelt your kismesis with the most scathing insults you can, piss them off however possible, beat them until they're bloody, and kiss them at the same time. I know it's weird for you humans, but trust me, it's a thing for us.

Now for the conciliatory quadrants. For the redrom version, there's the pale quadrant, moirallegience, marked by a pink diamond. Trolls are belligerent and volatile as a rule, so to make sure we don't get out of hand and fuck everything up with our own idiocy, the more dangerous ones are drawn to those with calmer demeanors. It's the job of that more level-headed one to keep the other in check, generally preventing them from being too huge of a dick and causing harm to themself or others with their recklessness. In a good match, the two moirails should also balance out each other's flaws and other personal qualities.

Last is conciliatory blackrom: the ashen quadrant, auspisticism, marked by a grey club. This is the only quadrant to involve three people. In this, one person, called the auspistice, mediates between two others who have a particularly potent rivalry or feud. The goal is to keep the relationship from boiling over into something stronger, namely kismesissitude. It's instrumental in prevent black infidelity, but is useful anyway when such a relationship isn't desired for whatever reason.

Did you get all that?

Edited 2011-05-26 10:08 am (UTC)

...that is, unfortunately, true. [He apologises for America doing that. That idiot shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a kitchen.

In the meantime, he's listening intently as the explanation is given. It's quite the concept, but he's determined to try and understand at least something about it. Sure. He doesn't quite understand the whole thing but at least he's pretty sure he can make heads and tails of it and figure out the very basics. Sure. The explanation defintely doesn't make him any expert and it makes him curious about knowing deeper aspects of the whole thing, but that seems like another discussion for another time.]

It is... definitely more in-depth and involved than human relationships seem to be. [Though he technically wasn't any expert on those, either.] But I think I've got most of the basics understood.

[Feel free to ask; Karkat could ramble on about trollmance forever, given the opportunity.]

No shit it is. Your pathetic human excuse for romance is too simple and boring. How do you even get any emotional fulfillment out of it when it's that limited?

Thank you for taking the time of lumping me in with humans. However, I tend not to know the answer to that question as I only participate in friendships. [He won't say much more than that, however, and simply leave it as-is.]

How common are the various quadrants? As in are some romances more common than others? Or rarer for that matter?

You look human, so excuse my inability to distinguish one species of hornless pink-skinned freaks from another otherwise identical one. [Eyeroll.] What the fuck are you, then?

The goal is to fill all quadrants eventually, but culturally, the concupiscent quadrants have a higher importance placed upon them. The Imperial Drone - don't ask me to explain what that is - will cull you if you haven't got them filled, but nothing will kill you for not having your conciliatory ones filled.

Sorry. I guess I was a bit snappy there. I didn't mean it. [A sigh accompanied his words.] To make it easy, just lump me in with the humans. [It's easier than dealing with the potential questions that usually inevitably come after he tells people what he is.]

So one should focus more upon filling the concupiscent ones first?

[Karkat tosses up a hand.] Then what's the fucking point? If you're going to make such a fuss about not being human, then change your mind, it pisses me off. You're worse than a wriggler who can't decide whether their favorite color is red or green this particular day.

But as far filling things... The main goal is just to fill those two before you have to worry about the Imperial Drone, but otherwise the order doesn't matter that much.

You know what? Fine. But you will accept what I tell you without any disbelief and that will be the end of that. No discussion. I'm the personification of a country. [And that was that.]

That's good to know at least. It must make it a bit easier.

[Oh god. Another one.]

You're not going to suddenly start hitting on me or come barging into my hive so you can damage part of it, are you?

...which one did that? I'll be more than happy to yell at them for you.

Korea's the one who hit on me, and America kicked my door in and set my kitchen on fire.

I think the only qualification you need for Korea to hit on you is to be breathing. [But don't quote him on that as he's also a bit sure Korea would hit on a robot.] But you don't have to worry about him anymore.

As for America, he's a jerk, anyway. He cares very little for personal property and people in general, unless he finds you interesting or something. Though, should you ever want to kick in his front door and set fire to his kitchen, I can at least provide the matches and lighter fluid.

That's why I'm glad he's gone.

I'd rather avoid America than go doing something like that. He's annoying enough just talking through the SFC without having to see him in person.

Edited 2011-05-29 09:13 pm (UTC)

Good luck with that. You should just block him on the SFC. It is possible.

If I started blocking people on there I'd just have to end up blocking almost everyone. Too much effort.

[Not to mention he'd probably blow up his SFC trying to do it, with as shitty as he is at computers. Not that he's going to say that much.]

Just tossing it out there. But yeah. Definitely a bit too much effort to put towards ignoring everyone.

[It's okay. He'll let him borrow his to practice since sometimes he could do without it.]

Still wish there was a temporary block function on this thing, whenever idiots decide to keep calling me back after I've hung up.

[He'd make you regret it, Canada. You'd have to replace it with how bad he is.]

Actually, you make a good point there. I wonder if there is one, somewhere. There should be, right?

[...maybe he doesn't want to replace it.]